After an insightful (and hilarious) conversation with my friend Sara, I have decided to rename this blog. :-) What do you think?
Hao bu hao?
A) Hen hao
B) Bu hao
C) Ma ma hu hu
Xie xie!
2009年11月12日木曜日
2009年11月6日金曜日
It is written
The initial look only hinted at it but it wasn't until he touched her that they realized how they fit together; the last two missing pieces to a beautiful puzzle.
He took a deep breath during that first touch, allowing an overwhelming sense of ease to wash over him. But that ease wasn't rooted in the feeling of a homecoming but in one of clarity; like his soul could finally see the truth even though his mind could not comprehend it. He knew from that moment forward that he loved her as simply and easily as she loved him.
Of course they took things slowly, building a friendship first before dating, and then solidifying the seriousness of their relationship by agreeing to be exclusive. But never once during this very common, and sometimes mundane process, did they question or doubt the unspoken but rich undercurrent of love they felt for one another. They just knew; the way the body unconsciously knows it needs water and air to survive. Neither one of them were going anywhere, and they never felt the need to declare it.
He took a deep breath during that first touch, allowing an overwhelming sense of ease to wash over him. But that ease wasn't rooted in the feeling of a homecoming but in one of clarity; like his soul could finally see the truth even though his mind could not comprehend it. He knew from that moment forward that he loved her as simply and easily as she loved him.
Of course they took things slowly, building a friendship first before dating, and then solidifying the seriousness of their relationship by agreeing to be exclusive. But never once during this very common, and sometimes mundane process, did they question or doubt the unspoken but rich undercurrent of love they felt for one another. They just knew; the way the body unconsciously knows it needs water and air to survive. Neither one of them were going anywhere, and they never felt the need to declare it.
No longer in Japan
Ok so I've basically abandoned this blog since Jan. I got busy living my life in Japan and dealing with all the chaos that comes with working at an eikaiwa. Now I'm no longer in Japan (hence the title of this post) and living in Hawaii. I'd never been to Hawaii before the
move but I'm enjoying it so far. What I have decided is that periodically I'm gonna pop onto this blog and write something. I don't expect anybody to read it since my original readers are probably long gone, but I enjoy writing; even if it's only for myself. :-)
move but I'm enjoying it so far. What I have decided is that periodically I'm gonna pop onto this blog and write something. I don't expect anybody to read it since my original readers are probably long gone, but I enjoy writing; even if it's only for myself. :-)
2009年1月12日月曜日
Ideas, concepts, and beliefs
I was once told by a close friend that I am a person who GENUINELY likes people. I enjoy their company and have faith in the deep rooted goodness in them. To quote Maude from Harold and Maude, "they are my species". One of the reasons why I moved to Japan was I wanted to learn more about different cultures and mindsets. Because I honestly believe that at the core, people are the same no matter where they live. Locations are just exterior designs. They're the setting of the scene but not the true story. People all want the same thing; to be seen and to be loved. That's it. But we forget that. We start to believe in what our culture or surroundings tell us. We start to believe what we THINK it is to truly be a man or a woman; from the West or the East; American or Japanese. We stop seeing people for the simple creatures they are and start seeing the idea or concept of what we BELIEVE they are. We forget who WE really are and start believing the idea or concept of what the world says we are.
When I came here I didn't have many or any expectations. I did SOME research before I came but I didn't want other people's impressions or beliefs to affect mine. And let's been honest, people's words carry a lot of weight. They can plan seeds for either good or bad. Perfect example is Hitler. He used the power of the word and his brilliant speaking skills to corrupt an entire country and manifest a world war. So I didn't want the words of strangers to taint my open mind about Japan. But for the last 3 months I have been listening. I've been listening to the words of foreigners (or my favorite word gaijin) and the words of the Japanese. And what I've heard is very interesting.
You know how when you walk down the street and someone comes up to you from behind, you can feel their presence before they even say the words "excuse me". In Japan I don't feel that presence. I once watched as my old JET and I were in the 100 yen shop standing in the aisle picking out Christmas presents for the children and a Japanese man came down the aisle. I noticed him coming so I moved to the side but my JET didn't see him. The man just STOOD next to the JET and refused to say ANYTHING. And my JET couldn't feel (or didn't notice) his presence. So after what felt like a minute the man FINALLY decided to go around my JET instead of continuing to wait for the JET to notice him. I had never seen anything like it before. But that scene is the core of the Japanese belief - you never say what you want but everyone else must read your mind and give you what you think you need. And if they don't, they're a very rude selfish person.
Now I must clarify, everything I write and say about the Japanese is not a critique on what's right or wrong. The Japanese beliefs or concepts are no more right than the American ones I've been taught. It's just I'm at a point in my life where I understand it's all a fog or an illusion, these beliefs. But people take beliefs as truth and hold on to them with such passion. People truly believe that beliefs are what make them who they are; and that's a lie. Beliefs are complicated and have many rules and stipulations. People are simple and have no rules. We are as simple as cats, dogs, fish, or any other living thing on earth. But what makes our lives more complicated is that we have beliefs and we replace who we really are with the beliefs.
I've noticed this most in foreign men in Japan. I didn't know so many western men held so many beliefs of what a Japanese woman is supposed to be until I got here. But when I listen to guys talk about them, I found myself surprised to learn it's not the woman they're actually seeing but the idea or concept of her. The unfortunate bit is that these men think of it as truth and find themselves with a woman that they know nothing about. I've heard stories about how some foreign men end up getting Japanese women pregnant and in Japan pregnancy=marriage; there's no ifs, ands, or buts about that. And one day they wake up miserable because they didn't marry a person but an idea. Ideas change. Ideas can be wrong. Ideas are just that, ideas; nothing more.
But here I am in Japan watching as Japanese girls dress in their short shorts and thigh high boots looking quite cheap because of their concepts of how western women dress. I hear tales of how Japanese men (both married and single) go to Korea to buy women because of their ideas of women being just sexual objects. And foreigners express true feelings of isolation and loneliness because of Japan's belief that unless you're born pure Japanese, you will never truly belong. I love my species but when will the day come when we start seeing each other for who we really are and stop holding onto these ideas, concepts, and beliefs.
When I came here I didn't have many or any expectations. I did SOME research before I came but I didn't want other people's impressions or beliefs to affect mine. And let's been honest, people's words carry a lot of weight. They can plan seeds for either good or bad. Perfect example is Hitler. He used the power of the word and his brilliant speaking skills to corrupt an entire country and manifest a world war. So I didn't want the words of strangers to taint my open mind about Japan. But for the last 3 months I have been listening. I've been listening to the words of foreigners (or my favorite word gaijin) and the words of the Japanese. And what I've heard is very interesting.
You know how when you walk down the street and someone comes up to you from behind, you can feel their presence before they even say the words "excuse me". In Japan I don't feel that presence. I once watched as my old JET and I were in the 100 yen shop standing in the aisle picking out Christmas presents for the children and a Japanese man came down the aisle. I noticed him coming so I moved to the side but my JET didn't see him. The man just STOOD next to the JET and refused to say ANYTHING. And my JET couldn't feel (or didn't notice) his presence. So after what felt like a minute the man FINALLY decided to go around my JET instead of continuing to wait for the JET to notice him. I had never seen anything like it before. But that scene is the core of the Japanese belief - you never say what you want but everyone else must read your mind and give you what you think you need. And if they don't, they're a very rude selfish person.
Now I must clarify, everything I write and say about the Japanese is not a critique on what's right or wrong. The Japanese beliefs or concepts are no more right than the American ones I've been taught. It's just I'm at a point in my life where I understand it's all a fog or an illusion, these beliefs. But people take beliefs as truth and hold on to them with such passion. People truly believe that beliefs are what make them who they are; and that's a lie. Beliefs are complicated and have many rules and stipulations. People are simple and have no rules. We are as simple as cats, dogs, fish, or any other living thing on earth. But what makes our lives more complicated is that we have beliefs and we replace who we really are with the beliefs.
I've noticed this most in foreign men in Japan. I didn't know so many western men held so many beliefs of what a Japanese woman is supposed to be until I got here. But when I listen to guys talk about them, I found myself surprised to learn it's not the woman they're actually seeing but the idea or concept of her. The unfortunate bit is that these men think of it as truth and find themselves with a woman that they know nothing about. I've heard stories about how some foreign men end up getting Japanese women pregnant and in Japan pregnancy=marriage; there's no ifs, ands, or buts about that. And one day they wake up miserable because they didn't marry a person but an idea. Ideas change. Ideas can be wrong. Ideas are just that, ideas; nothing more.
But here I am in Japan watching as Japanese girls dress in their short shorts and thigh high boots looking quite cheap because of their concepts of how western women dress. I hear tales of how Japanese men (both married and single) go to Korea to buy women because of their ideas of women being just sexual objects. And foreigners express true feelings of isolation and loneliness because of Japan's belief that unless you're born pure Japanese, you will never truly belong. I love my species but when will the day come when we start seeing each other for who we really are and stop holding onto these ideas, concepts, and beliefs.
2008年12月24日水曜日
Japanese fashion
Fashion is really just like beauty...it's in the eye of the beholder. What one person thinks is fashionable and interesting another may find boring or ugly and vice versa. Ever since arriving in Japan I've been observing its people, culture, mannerisms, language, and fashion. Since I live in a small town I haven't seen any fashion forward people yet. The ones that think they're being fashionable, really are just following an old trend which I'd like to call the "skank" trend. It's when the woman wears short shorts or short skirts (and when I say short I mean the fabric stops right at the point where the butt and the thigh meet), has on some type of boots, and has the option to wear colored tights if the mood streaks her. She thinks she looks cute but really she just looks cheap.
I wish many women could understand the difference between sexy and skanky. Examples: Britney Spears - skanky; Charlize Theron - sexy; Paris Hilton - skanky; Halle Berry - sexy; Tila Tequila - skanky; Salma Hayek - sexy. There's nothing more sexy than a woman who isn't afraid of her sexuality and choices outfits that show off just the right amount of skin and hugs her curves in just the right way. The clothes should stir up people's imagination and create a sense of allure. But most importantly the difference between a sexy woman and a skanky woman is a sexy woman wears certain clothes because she finds herself attractive and wants to show herself to the world in the best way possible (self-love) compared to a skanky woman who wear certain clothes because she thinks it's what men find attractive and basically just wants their attention (self-rejection).
I didn't start this post to go off about my issues with skanky dressed women (even though it does relate to fashion) but how I have newfound respect for Japanese fashion. So the last few months I'd been a little worried that the Japanese fashion was mainly based on dressing like a skank. Like I said earlier, there aren't any fashion forward people in my town and when I went to Osaka and Kyoto I didn't really see any fashion forward people either. I mean there were women who were dressed pretty cute but fashion forward is something different. It's taking the old and adding a little twist. Well I finally found the fashion forward people, and it's true that they reside in the Harajuku district.
When I decided to join my friends in Tokyo on our 3 day mini-break from work, I at first didn't know where I wanted to go. Tokyo is so big and you can't possibly see all of it in 1 and a half days. So one night while I'm listening to Gwen Stefani, I thought "why don't we go to Harajuku and see what Stefani's been ravin' about" and it did not disappoint. So many different styles and fashions reside in this one area. I'm not even a shoe person but I could help but LOVE some of their designs and found myself wishing I could find at least ONE pair that came in my size (sadly I didn't). My friend and I found (and even bought some) great accessories from scarfs, necklaces, bracelets, hats, and more. As we walked the streets I found myself overwhelmed by how amazing some of the women looked (yes there were still the skanks but I just ignored them or kept thinking in my head "why?!"). My friend and I even popped into the H&M store and loved how some of the clothes were very much influenced by the 1940s. I soooo wanted to buy a top that my friend said reminded her of the fashion in the movie "Atonement" but even though the store was entitled H&M, it did NOT have H&M prices! I've never been in a more expensive H&M in my LIFE! And I've been to the ones in London, NYC, Dublin, Minneapolis and I think Florence (can't remember for sure) but none of them had prices like these. The top that I wanted cost 6950 yen (that's about $77 USD) and the cheapest items they had in the store were around 2000 yen (and were accessories). So I walked out of H&M empty handed.
Next my friend and I ended up chillin' in a department store for a while. We popped a squat in a random corner, talked, and people watched, This was the moment when I finally realized my appreciation for the Japanese fashion. As we're people watching, I noticed how many women would take on old fashion idea from the 80s (i.e. leg warmers) and add a twist. Instead of wearing the leg warmers the traditional 80s way (no tights, no socks, no heels) they added color tights and heels and they made sure to wear the leg warmers high enough so the color tights can peek out down by the shoes. Fashion like that I like because there are only a limited amount new designs people can come up with, but for a creative people there are endless amounts of ways they can adjust a few things then make it their own. It's great!
Being in Harajuku was wonderful; it gave me some fun new ideas for fashion that I'd like to adapt into my wardrobe. Now if only I can find out where Japan's hiding all the second hand shops I'll be set...
I wish many women could understand the difference between sexy and skanky. Examples: Britney Spears - skanky; Charlize Theron - sexy; Paris Hilton - skanky; Halle Berry - sexy; Tila Tequila - skanky; Salma Hayek - sexy. There's nothing more sexy than a woman who isn't afraid of her sexuality and choices outfits that show off just the right amount of skin and hugs her curves in just the right way. The clothes should stir up people's imagination and create a sense of allure. But most importantly the difference between a sexy woman and a skanky woman is a sexy woman wears certain clothes because she finds herself attractive and wants to show herself to the world in the best way possible (self-love) compared to a skanky woman who wear certain clothes because she thinks it's what men find attractive and basically just wants their attention (self-rejection).
I didn't start this post to go off about my issues with skanky dressed women (even though it does relate to fashion) but how I have newfound respect for Japanese fashion. So the last few months I'd been a little worried that the Japanese fashion was mainly based on dressing like a skank. Like I said earlier, there aren't any fashion forward people in my town and when I went to Osaka and Kyoto I didn't really see any fashion forward people either. I mean there were women who were dressed pretty cute but fashion forward is something different. It's taking the old and adding a little twist. Well I finally found the fashion forward people, and it's true that they reside in the Harajuku district.
When I decided to join my friends in Tokyo on our 3 day mini-break from work, I at first didn't know where I wanted to go. Tokyo is so big and you can't possibly see all of it in 1 and a half days. So one night while I'm listening to Gwen Stefani, I thought "why don't we go to Harajuku and see what Stefani's been ravin' about" and it did not disappoint. So many different styles and fashions reside in this one area. I'm not even a shoe person but I could help but LOVE some of their designs and found myself wishing I could find at least ONE pair that came in my size (sadly I didn't). My friend and I found (and even bought some) great accessories from scarfs, necklaces, bracelets, hats, and more. As we walked the streets I found myself overwhelmed by how amazing some of the women looked (yes there were still the skanks but I just ignored them or kept thinking in my head "why?!"). My friend and I even popped into the H&M store and loved how some of the clothes were very much influenced by the 1940s. I soooo wanted to buy a top that my friend said reminded her of the fashion in the movie "Atonement" but even though the store was entitled H&M, it did NOT have H&M prices! I've never been in a more expensive H&M in my LIFE! And I've been to the ones in London, NYC, Dublin, Minneapolis and I think Florence (can't remember for sure) but none of them had prices like these. The top that I wanted cost 6950 yen (that's about $77 USD) and the cheapest items they had in the store were around 2000 yen (and were accessories). So I walked out of H&M empty handed.
Next my friend and I ended up chillin' in a department store for a while. We popped a squat in a random corner, talked, and people watched, This was the moment when I finally realized my appreciation for the Japanese fashion. As we're people watching, I noticed how many women would take on old fashion idea from the 80s (i.e. leg warmers) and add a twist. Instead of wearing the leg warmers the traditional 80s way (no tights, no socks, no heels) they added color tights and heels and they made sure to wear the leg warmers high enough so the color tights can peek out down by the shoes. Fashion like that I like because there are only a limited amount new designs people can come up with, but for a creative people there are endless amounts of ways they can adjust a few things then make it their own. It's great!
Being in Harajuku was wonderful; it gave me some fun new ideas for fashion that I'd like to adapt into my wardrobe. Now if only I can find out where Japan's hiding all the second hand shops I'll be set...
2008年12月10日水曜日
Ryoanji in Black and White
There's only a few. I took more but they are in color and I'll post them later. These 5 were about nuturing my artistic side and of course, my love of black and white film. Enjoy!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=73903&l=0114b&id=615202714
P.s. If you haven't read the blog entitled "What It's All About" please do. It's more important than these pictures.
2008年12月9日火曜日
What It's All About
So the last few days (maybe even a week now) I've started to feel blue about the upcoming holiday and not being around my family for the first Christmas EVER. I've been trying to live in the moment here in Japan and not forget about the past but not take the present for granted either. It's been working for the most part (it's helped me in those very sad seconds when I think of my cats and remember that unconditional love that was waiting for me everyday when I came home). Today I had a break through on what I can do to beat this onset of depression into submission. As some of you may know I'm going through a transformation while in Japan. I'm changing (or baking) into the best version of myself. I have the book "The Four Agreements" to guide me down this road of self discovery and it's liberating it feel the false misguided beliefs I once held onto so dearly crumble away. It's important to understand this about me because it will give light to what I'm about to say.
Today at work we had to put on a U2 concert video because the movie I rented (Gremlins, the perfect Christmas movie) was all scratched and not watchable. Sometimes I forget how much I like U2 because I don't listen to them often but I love that their music is about love, spirituality, politics, and changing the world for the better. I enjoyed listening to them so much at work I decided to pull up Joshua Tree on my iPod and listen to them on the bike ride home. I started to think about my journey to Japan and all the people and places I've seen along the way and that's when the epiphany or inspiration hit me.
(Hold on people...we're gonna go down a slight detour but it will make sense it the end. Please bare with me...) Vancouver has a serious homeless problem. People have always told me how beauty the city is (and it really is quite breathtaking) but it also has a serious homeless problem no one seems to talk about. It's so bad that people where telling me about how the city officials plan to ship off the homeless to Victoria when the Winter Olympics arrive. I wouldn't be too surprised if this is true because countries go CRAZY when the Olympics come. Look at Beijing. Anyway...when I was there for training, every night I saw an overwhelming amount of people sleeping on the cold streets and the distance I had to travel on a typical night was only about a 1.5-2 miles. Many of the homeless people would work "jobs" for money (like holding the door open for you when you walked into the 7-11) and they did it with a smile on their face, kindness in their eyes, and would still wish you a good evening even if you gave them nothing. Now I'm not naive by any means. I understand some people are homeless because they have a drug problem (that was another surprising element to Vancouver, the amount of drug addicts) while others are homeless because of mental illness (undiagnoised mental illness is a major contributor to the homeless problem in America, especially in NYC). But even if we understand the reason it doesn't excuse us from not creating a solution to the problem.
The reason I bring up Vancouver, and my eye opening experience to their homeless problem, is there is something we can do about it this Christmas season (and more importantly ever day of our lives). To all my family and friends, who I love and miss dearly, for the time and money you would have spend on or with me if I was home for the holidays, I humbly ask of you to spend it on those in need. Don't send me any presents or cards. Instead please spend it on a charity. There are so many big and small organizations that could use all the help they can get. If you don't have any money than give your time. Give the time you would have spend hanging out with me on collecting donations or handing out food to the homeless. If you live in Minnesota I can tell you the names of the places I liked to volunteer for if you don't know where to go. Many of you know I've never had much money but I always thought I was doing something worthwhile with my life when I volunteered (even if it was just 2 hours spent on making safe sex kits for the Minnesota AIDS Projecct and talking about how a chocolate flavored condom would go well with a vanilla flavored lube!)
And for my part I'm gonna spend the time and energy I would have spent on being sad because I can't see you for Christmas on finding a charity I can volunteer and donate to here in Japan. They don't have a Toys for Tots and since they don't seem to be a very gay friendly country I doubt I'll find an AIDS organization to work with but I'll ask my JET tomorrow about local charities and see if he can help me in this mission. I know I live in a small town but there has got to be something somewhere. Finally thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it's not the shortest of blogs (and probably my most impassioned) but I've never been one to shy away from emotionally going where a lot of people may not want to go.
Oh and before I forget...thank you Sarah G for suggesting I donate my old mittens to that homeless man in Vancouver. Where others ignored them you saw them as nothing but human. Liz...I wish I could be there on the streets with you donating your time to bring awareness to the homeless in MN. Don't worry I'm still gonna pay your good deeds forward. And for all the others, who do good things everyday but never tell a soul, I admire you and one day hope to have a soul as beautiful as yours. Take care of each other. We're all we've got!
Today at work we had to put on a U2 concert video because the movie I rented (Gremlins, the perfect Christmas movie) was all scratched and not watchable. Sometimes I forget how much I like U2 because I don't listen to them often but I love that their music is about love, spirituality, politics, and changing the world for the better. I enjoyed listening to them so much at work I decided to pull up Joshua Tree on my iPod and listen to them on the bike ride home. I started to think about my journey to Japan and all the people and places I've seen along the way and that's when the epiphany or inspiration hit me.
(Hold on people...we're gonna go down a slight detour but it will make sense it the end. Please bare with me...) Vancouver has a serious homeless problem. People have always told me how beauty the city is (and it really is quite breathtaking) but it also has a serious homeless problem no one seems to talk about. It's so bad that people where telling me about how the city officials plan to ship off the homeless to Victoria when the Winter Olympics arrive. I wouldn't be too surprised if this is true because countries go CRAZY when the Olympics come. Look at Beijing. Anyway...when I was there for training, every night I saw an overwhelming amount of people sleeping on the cold streets and the distance I had to travel on a typical night was only about a 1.5-2 miles. Many of the homeless people would work "jobs" for money (like holding the door open for you when you walked into the 7-11) and they did it with a smile on their face, kindness in their eyes, and would still wish you a good evening even if you gave them nothing. Now I'm not naive by any means. I understand some people are homeless because they have a drug problem (that was another surprising element to Vancouver, the amount of drug addicts) while others are homeless because of mental illness (undiagnoised mental illness is a major contributor to the homeless problem in America, especially in NYC). But even if we understand the reason it doesn't excuse us from not creating a solution to the problem.
The reason I bring up Vancouver, and my eye opening experience to their homeless problem, is there is something we can do about it this Christmas season (and more importantly ever day of our lives). To all my family and friends, who I love and miss dearly, for the time and money you would have spend on or with me if I was home for the holidays, I humbly ask of you to spend it on those in need. Don't send me any presents or cards. Instead please spend it on a charity. There are so many big and small organizations that could use all the help they can get. If you don't have any money than give your time. Give the time you would have spend hanging out with me on collecting donations or handing out food to the homeless. If you live in Minnesota I can tell you the names of the places I liked to volunteer for if you don't know where to go. Many of you know I've never had much money but I always thought I was doing something worthwhile with my life when I volunteered (even if it was just 2 hours spent on making safe sex kits for the Minnesota AIDS Projecct and talking about how a chocolate flavored condom would go well with a vanilla flavored lube!)
And for my part I'm gonna spend the time and energy I would have spent on being sad because I can't see you for Christmas on finding a charity I can volunteer and donate to here in Japan. They don't have a Toys for Tots and since they don't seem to be a very gay friendly country I doubt I'll find an AIDS organization to work with but I'll ask my JET tomorrow about local charities and see if he can help me in this mission. I know I live in a small town but there has got to be something somewhere. Finally thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it's not the shortest of blogs (and probably my most impassioned) but I've never been one to shy away from emotionally going where a lot of people may not want to go.
Oh and before I forget...thank you Sarah G for suggesting I donate my old mittens to that homeless man in Vancouver. Where others ignored them you saw them as nothing but human. Liz...I wish I could be there on the streets with you donating your time to bring awareness to the homeless in MN. Don't worry I'm still gonna pay your good deeds forward. And for all the others, who do good things everyday but never tell a soul, I admire you and one day hope to have a soul as beautiful as yours. Take care of each other. We're all we've got!
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