I was once told by a close friend that I am a person who GENUINELY likes people. I enjoy their company and have faith in the deep rooted goodness in them. To quote Maude from Harold and Maude, "they are my species". One of the reasons why I moved to Japan was I wanted to learn more about different cultures and mindsets. Because I honestly believe that at the core, people are the same no matter where they live. Locations are just exterior designs. They're the setting of the scene but not the true story. People all want the same thing; to be seen and to be loved. That's it. But we forget that. We start to believe in what our culture or surroundings tell us. We start to believe what we THINK it is to truly be a man or a woman; from the West or the East; American or Japanese. We stop seeing people for the simple creatures they are and start seeing the idea or concept of what we BELIEVE they are. We forget who WE really are and start believing the idea or concept of what the world says we are.
When I came here I didn't have many or any expectations. I did SOME research before I came but I didn't want other people's impressions or beliefs to affect mine. And let's been honest, people's words carry a lot of weight. They can plan seeds for either good or bad. Perfect example is Hitler. He used the power of the word and his brilliant speaking skills to corrupt an entire country and manifest a world war. So I didn't want the words of strangers to taint my open mind about Japan. But for the last 3 months I have been listening. I've been listening to the words of foreigners (or my favorite word gaijin) and the words of the Japanese. And what I've heard is very interesting.
You know how when you walk down the street and someone comes up to you from behind, you can feel their presence before they even say the words "excuse me". In Japan I don't feel that presence. I once watched as my old JET and I were in the 100 yen shop standing in the aisle picking out Christmas presents for the children and a Japanese man came down the aisle. I noticed him coming so I moved to the side but my JET didn't see him. The man just STOOD next to the JET and refused to say ANYTHING. And my JET couldn't feel (or didn't notice) his presence. So after what felt like a minute the man FINALLY decided to go around my JET instead of continuing to wait for the JET to notice him. I had never seen anything like it before. But that scene is the core of the Japanese belief - you never say what you want but everyone else must read your mind and give you what you think you need. And if they don't, they're a very rude selfish person.
Now I must clarify, everything I write and say about the Japanese is not a critique on what's right or wrong. The Japanese beliefs or concepts are no more right than the American ones I've been taught. It's just I'm at a point in my life where I understand it's all a fog or an illusion, these beliefs. But people take beliefs as truth and hold on to them with such passion. People truly believe that beliefs are what make them who they are; and that's a lie. Beliefs are complicated and have many rules and stipulations. People are simple and have no rules. We are as simple as cats, dogs, fish, or any other living thing on earth. But what makes our lives more complicated is that we have beliefs and we replace who we really are with the beliefs.
I've noticed this most in foreign men in Japan. I didn't know so many western men held so many beliefs of what a Japanese woman is supposed to be until I got here. But when I listen to guys talk about them, I found myself surprised to learn it's not the woman they're actually seeing but the idea or concept of her. The unfortunate bit is that these men think of it as truth and find themselves with a woman that they know nothing about. I've heard stories about how some foreign men end up getting Japanese women pregnant and in Japan pregnancy=marriage; there's no ifs, ands, or buts about that. And one day they wake up miserable because they didn't marry a person but an idea. Ideas change. Ideas can be wrong. Ideas are just that, ideas; nothing more.
But here I am in Japan watching as Japanese girls dress in their short shorts and thigh high boots looking quite cheap because of their concepts of how western women dress. I hear tales of how Japanese men (both married and single) go to Korea to buy women because of their ideas of women being just sexual objects. And foreigners express true feelings of isolation and loneliness because of Japan's belief that unless you're born pure Japanese, you will never truly belong. I love my species but when will the day come when we start seeing each other for who we really are and stop holding onto these ideas, concepts, and beliefs.
